Prehistoric Mystery Meat
For all you know, it’s the wooly mammoth. You might be sitting on a fortune here. But probably not.
It’s the mystery meat in the back of the freezer. It’s the meat that you lovingly packaged all those many months ago with the idea of this elaborate gourmet meal. Okay, maybe it was just going to be spaghetti. That’s the point. You will never know. It’s wasted money. It’s the meal you’ll never eat. It’s the game piece in Clue, and you could have solved the mystery. Except you have no idea what it is, so you can’t even give it a name. You lose.
Let me make my point. We’ve all met the prehistoric mystery meat. It is easily identified on the surface, yet not easily classified. It is surrounded by ice crystals that have hence been contaminated with other substances causing it take on a new hue-and thereby cloaking its true identity.
It also has a hardness quality that makes it harder than a diamond, and this attribute would be quite useful as it could make is good temporary gorging tool if you happened to be renovating your kitchen. On second thought, I would recommend using traditional tools for this type of project. Really, I was just thinking of a way to somehow make it useful. You know, “waste-not-want-not.” But I guess there are some lines you just should not cross.
Admit it, though! We have all entertained the idea of thawing the prehistoric mystery meat and trying to see if it will “pass”. It begins with delusions of grandeur, and then follows with a rush of clever recipes inundating your brain, and in your heart of hearts you know you will be the one to save this mystery meat. You would never let a good deal go to waste.
No, no, no. Just walk away.
You and I both know this is not a good idea. If you go through with this, we both know it will probably end very badly. I don’t intend to elaborate this point.
Mourn its loss and move on.
There is a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. Contrary to common belief, you can avoid the excavation of prehistoric mystery meat from your freezer. The key is to package properly, take inventory and menu plan. That way you can avoid this whole dramatic scene and save money with good planning.
Prevention of Prehistoric Mystery Meat Excavation:
· Package properly
Invest in freezer bags, and remove the air before sealing. If you have one, use your vacuum sealer. I love to use mine to repackage foods I've bought in bulk. I got it in nearly new condition at a yard sale for $5. This is my second acquisition of a vacuum sealer at a yard sale for under $10. Keep looking, you’ll find one too.
Do not, I repeat, do not take the meat straight from the grocery bag and throw it in the freezer if you have intentions of re-packaging it into smaller portions. It only morphs into perfect fodder for future prehistoric mystery meat. It will freeze into an epic iceberg mass of Titanic-sinking proportions. The scene plays out the same every time. You will remove it from the freezer, and just stare at it for a really long time, while devising your plan. The truth is, no one human has the tools or strength to pry apart fifteen pork chops with mind power. I just want you to face your limitations. So, how about you take the time to do it right the first time?
· Take inventory
Take inventory of what’s in your freezer. This requires using your visual and tactile senses. Meaning-“look”, I mean really look at what’s in there and move things around so that you can see everything. It’s not an abyss. If it’s really too dark to see, and you must lean in and put your hand in the back of the freezer to feel what might be in it’s cave-like innards, I can personally guarantee you will come back out with your hand intact. I’ve tried it, and I’m confident.
· Menu plan
Plan your meals according to your freezer’s inventory. This prevents overcrowding of the meat population, and the freezer environment will no longer be suitable for the incubation and reproduction of any form of mystery meat.
While prehistoric mystery meat has its place in the scientific world, I’d rather not find it in my freezer.
I’m sure you’re with me on this one.
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